The SELEDA Fun-Fun Raiser
We know that the only way we can get anyone of you out there to go around wearing
something with our logo plastered on it is if we told you it was for a good
cause. Yes. Lenegeroo… we, too, scoff at the words "good
cause" and "SELEDA" being mentioned in the same breath.
Esti… sine s'rat!
We have been great fans of the Integrated Holistic Approach/Urban Development
Project run by Sister Jember Teferra ever since… well, ever since…
YanE… ke-d'ro. Thus, we inaugurate the first SELEDA Fundraiser with a little
"do unto others" to benefit the IHA/UDP.
How much would you pay for this T-shirt? Huh? Noooooooooooo.
What do you mean "not a damn thing!"?
We'll ask again… How much would you pay for a first edition, once-they-are-gone-they-are-gone!
, hawk-'em-off-on-eBay, use-'em-as-a-pot-holder T-shirt? Mn aynEt chgr
Oh. That much. Then read on.
Here's the deal… read carefully and sign, date and initial after each
paragraph so that we have none o' dat famous ET "whaaaa… didn't
get me a T-shirt"…. "whaaaaaaa they bamboozled me…"…
"wha… whaa… esti wuha aQebiluN, inante.. be dereQ
guroroyE atasCHuhuN…. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" gini-guzguwaz.
The "No Whining" clause has been officially resurrected.
Pay attention…The first 100 people who send a check or (better yet) a
money order for $35.00 made out to the IHA/UDP will receive this fabulous T-shirt.
Geddid? The first 100 people. Send checks to: SELEDA Fundraiser for IHA/UDP, 26 South Oxford Street #5A, Brooklyn, NY 11217
Now, let's say you were hemming and hawing (wegebeN…
ehhh... hodEn…ehhh) and you are NOT one of the first 100 sra
fets and we run out of T-shirts? What happens? Well, we can EITHER send
your contribution to the IHA/UDP anyway, and thank you for your graciousness…
OR, we can send your check back to you… maybe uncashed… and maybe
without the IHA/UDP name scratched off and "Sakis Fid Avenue" scrawled
above it. Kidding! We'll send you back your check… uncashed…. But
maybe add you to our ashmoor list. Kidding! Abo.
Please, MAKE SURE and indicate if you want yer check back… 'coz if you
don't… Bye-bye! Gone! Adios! It's goner that gone.
Now, there's more legal mumbo jumbo. With your check/money order (maximum two
T-shirts per paying customer, please… demmo'ko as if anyone
would want multiples… wegu bcha indayQeribN), please include
$3.00 worth of U.S. stamps. Not Ukrainian stamps… not Chechnian stamps…
good ol' U.S. of A stamps. This is known as the "handling fee." If
you live outside these United States, a) why? b) we'll cover your shipping costs,
and c) why?
So… to recap… in the US-include $3.00 worth of stamps (not cash,
not mastishh, but stamps) with your 35 bucks. Outside the US… we got you
covered on the postage because we're nice like that. Let's all say it together…
"haaandling, eh? hannnndling fee-e-e-e." You want a "feeling"
fee, that'll cost ya… huh? Mn? Ma?
Where were we…? So… in an envelope, stuff in a check or (the preferred
method of payment) a money order made out to The International Holistic Approach/Urban
Development Program for… how mach? Too mach? $35.00 AND a series of stamps
equaling but not exceeding $3.00 (for US residents) and send it all to: SELEDA Fundraiser for IHA/UDP, 26 South Oxford Street #5A, Brooklyn, NY 11217
Incidentally, you can, of course, send in more than $35 per T-shirt, and we
would be happy to pass on the goodwill to the IHA/UDP… and we'll not even
take a cut! (Wait!…. OK. We won't take a cut!)
Now, what is the IHA/UDP? No, it's not the secret account of SELEDA upper management!
And unless you have been living in complete isolation (or you live in one of
them gawd awful states that starts with an M… Meeezooooreee…Minnnnisoootta…
Miiiisiiisiipiiii….), you would know that the IHA/UDP is probably one of
the most worthy and effective charitable organizations focusing on poverty eradication
in Ethiopia. For more information, check out our SELEDA
Salutes to them, and/or ask all your Qolo guwadenNoch.
Soooooo… we would be terribly remiss if we did not thank the good people
of Gap, Inc. who donated all these wonderful
T-shirts. We love their commercials, we love their T-shirts and we just love
their civic mindedness! Go… buy Gap stuff and be cool like them cool people.
And, yes, despite our gut feeling to divert some of the funds to pad our "Starbucks
Fund", we will forward EVERY CENT… every last Qei ferengga
of the $35 (or more) directly to IHA/UDP (it shall not pass "Go"…
it shall not collect $200…)
The Humble Editors, in an act of magnanimity that shall not be repeated in
this century, coughed up the mabQaQia monies to cover printing
and such costs. Gobez editors! Gosh gosh gosh gosh! Entuff!
Entuff! Aaaaaaack entuff! Okay that was just unnecessary roughness…
To recap the recap:
Step one: Write check to IHA/UDP for $35.00 (more if you are nice) for each
T-shirt. TWO T-shirts max.
Step two: Indicate whether or not you want your money back if you are not one
of the first 100.
Step three: Include $3.00 worth of stamps if you live in the U.S. If you live
outside the U.S., include a perfumey handkerchief.
Step four: Go to your post office.
Step five: Mail envelope.
Step six: Congratulate yourself on a job well done.
Rinse and repeat.
If all the above was not in any way clear a) you must be one of them rocket
scientist valedictorians from that l'il German School (ish bin ein how mach
for a T-schient? Nein…? ) b) you may ask nicely via email, firstname.lastname@example.org.
(Please put "Duh!" in the subject line.)
We want to start a SELEDA Scrap Book, to chronicle all over underachievements,
so, if you are so inclined, send us a picture of you and yours enjoying the
We hope to be able to hawk off more SELEDA stuff atchya in the near future,
where all proceeds go to charity. Let's us flex our bego adragot
muscle and pick up those who'd pick us up if circumstances were different.
We wait with bated breath.
The Humble Editors