by: Fitsum Hailu
My intentions were honourable.
Although my promises seem dry and irritating,
Unattainable and distant like the stars,
Blurred and forced upon,
like the dust of the harmatan season,
dissipating and disappearing into oblivion.
How many of them did I not keep?
Even failed to remember?
I meant to keep the all.
When I mutter and utter those two words,
' I promise'
These two words man used to honour,
Now I trampled upon wearily like that muddy ground I used to play grown ups and ball games
I discarded readily like that inconcievable idea that I will inevitably grow up
And spitted out like that repugnant and awful spinach I detested
And you made me eat.
But my intentions were honourable.
'Do you love me?' you used to inquire
Without any idea, the heavy weight this probing exerted ,
On my shoulder,
And on my young neck,
And on my innocent mind.
Oh, but you targeted my fragile heart
With your cannon of inquisition.
Most pleasing, it was for you,
Just to see my affirmative nod
Or to hear the proverbial 'yes I do'
Which was enough for your dark, golden eyes
To sparkle rays of genuine delight
The bud of your soul to flower your peace
The hurricane of your anxiety to tranquil.
Was young or foolish
My love was the apex of your existence.
My happiness, the pick of your achievements.
That you were the quintessential mother.
You said to love God
I do love God.
And Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
But to my agonising and deserving pain
The scale of my love would tip on your favour.
I pray; God would not hate me for it.
As I struggle to extinguish the inferno of this
shameful and unholy fact,
As I attempt to hide it,
from your angelic being,
I would feel but like a sinner
Pinched, poked and pricked constantly with guilt.
That one day,
You would discover my burden,
When your piercing gaze would shatter
the strong safe of my heart
exposing the reading of the measure of my
love to you.
When you finally know this,
This blinding, sudden burst of fact that I kept secrete
This undesirable and insidious knowledge
This inequitable and inexorable love of mine
That most shamefully transcended above
my love to your God
your God I cherish and revere
Just like you said
And this power that wholly engulfed my conscience
And my consciousness
Would culminate in breaking your heart,
But I will prey for forgiveness
Prey to the Almighty that my love for him
Will surpass yours
Then I will be absolved
Now you watch down on me from heaven
And I, like the red sea, wait forever
As questions flow eternally like the river Nile
To fill me with answers
To satisfy my curiosity
If you knew,
When you taught me to be humane
Values, that you said were the cream of humanity
When you siphoned integrity into my heart from yours
When you gave me the will to swim against the tide of greed
That I may stray!
As I do often
Please don't judge my action,
For my intentions are honourable.