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The Blaming Game of Love!


by: Fiqr Sellasie

The Love Issue is a mistaken theme and misplaced subject for Ethiopians in sidet. Yes, let the cynical and the pessimist speak.

You may also want to add to that I no longer believe in love. I don't believe in it because of the Ethiopian women I have met, and the women my friends or those who I know have met. There is no love in the lives of Ethiopians outside of Ethiopia….

I hear you… "Ere yemanew degemo" . Which is exactly my point! We have a tendency to avoid reality and shut our eyes and ears to the truth…. in this case, to the non-existence of love. I rant from experience: love has no place in our community especially for those of us who are young, professionals, and Ethiopians.

As an angry, frustrated, dateless, wife-less (fill in the dots)… semi-successful, tall, young and professional Ethiopian male, I will argue the death of love. I will argue who the responsible party is for its death. I will argue for the remedy or t'amir for its resuscitation.

Yes. I know. I know I started by saying love does not exist, and now I am prescribing a remedy... Please do not hold me liable for anything I say since this issue agitates me. The depravation of love from one's life guarantees to produce a person like me.

Back to my point. I don't seek nor I am concerned with political correctness. I don't think I won't offend someone. As a precaution, I hope you know I will appear utterly illogical and irrational on my discussion of love.

Very many of us will be sharing this Valentine's Day with no one. I will be alone. This Valentine's day will be like any other day… drinking, watching TV, or hanging out with the boys.

Whose fault is this? I'll get to that.

Not just on February 14, but every day there are countless eligible, lonely Ethiopian bachelors singing "Neye Neye Y'hagere Lij" in every Ethiopian café and bar. We have become alcoholics. Whose fault is it? Who is responsible for the increasing sense of despair, hopelessness and self -destruction of the Ethiopian male, who is otherwise a highly productive member of society? Who is driving many men to go back home, across the oceans, to bring a girl here in hopes of finding FQr, just to learn that her old FqreNa is waiting in the background, ready to re-claim her?

Who is to be blamed for the mental illness of many Ethiopian men?

It is not racism, or language… it is none of all the constrains of life in sidet.

How is it that Ethiopian WOMEN have become so very materialistic and mean spirited? Why is it that they come out firing at us from the onset? I speak from the heart of a man who has been taken advantage of, robbed of his childhood, his wealth, his dignity and self-esteem because of LOVE by an Ethiopian girl who can't love by herself, and is instead guided, advised, counseled by her friends. Her friends who are women and Ethiopian.

I am very well aware that Seleda's Love Issue is not a medrek to vent one's frustration, or spew personal vendetta. Nevertheless, I have a point to make, and I will make it with the reason of an angry man. I will make it with the reason of a man who is in pain. The pain of unrequited love. It is a pity disclaimer. I know.

Our women get off the plane and arrive in this " land of the free", and they change and adjust their attitude to adopt to materialistic success. They learn well from their Ferenj counterparts. They learn ideas and theories of "feminism". And not-so-subtly, they change everything about themselves until no one can recognize them. We Ethiopian men are not blameless. But Ethiopian women destroy love more than we men do since they are in the position of accepting or rejecting our love. We? We have no say in the matter.

"Our women" (I hope they don't get offended at that title), instead of also learning about individuality and self-defining ways of what makes feminism… our "feminists" wretchedly always seek the advice, direction, and approval of their friends in selecting and rejecting lovers. In order to be loved by a certain Ethiopian girl, one has to impress, be loved and accepted by all her friends. Our women have unlearned to go for the man they love and respect. The man with the right car, the man who her friends love, the man who will satisfy her family's expectations, that man will win over the rest of us.

Our Ethiopian women gripe that we talk too much, we lie too much… we can't keep relationships secret. As the song by Muhommed Ahmed a while back states, if a man's love is not open, visible for people to hear and see, what is the point of being loved? But our women don't believe in that anymore. I assume the reason is that Ethiopian women are always waiting for a better man to come along. And when that day comes…

Meanwhile, I will wait patiently for the resurrection of Love.

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