(Note update below.)
Seledawiyan:
It is a lamentable ye addebaibai msTr that we’ve spent most of the last decade in a qrarri/Prozac sustained passive aggressive-awi bender. But we woke up a few weeks ago and asked, Has this all been a dream?
Help us.
We dreamt we dropped this whole SELEDA thing without any warning or explanation and wiled away several unproductive years cooking the books at major US financial institutions. And we mean, literally cooking. As in we were sautéing the annual report with lega qbE. And then our hope of making it to “That Affirmative Action” VP corner office was wrenched away from us by George W. when he killed capitalism with a fly swat.
It gets better.
Then we dreamt America voted some young, wezam/demmam/qumenam guy into the White House. This despite Upper Management’s corybantic, bi-daily “SELEDA Voter Guide” in which they administered belligerently unsound evidence that aforementioned wezam was actually —and we quote—a Secret Socialist Muslim Qoda Faqqi Bolshevik Derg Terrorist Homosexulaite PenTE who is against Ethiopia being named King of Africa. Worse, he is Kenyan-ish. –We unquote.-
That can’t be right.
Then, then we had this nightmare where our 401Ks were really 101Ks but our mortgages had increased by 401 percent because some ye sETan quraCH named Freddie and his trophy M’sht, Frannie, decided we weren’t really qualified to own the stately SELEDA building in downtown Seledaville. A building, we inform you with no great pleasure, that Upper Management had just dedicated to someone named Ato Bernos MeTnEoff.
Hm. Perhaps this is why we are perpetually jittery.
Our fitful sememen was interrupted by a vision of a post card floating in mid-air. “Greetings from ‘Gitmo!” the front blared in a disarmingly charming font, the edges adorned with roses, daisies and… is that a machine gun in one corner? Why, yes it is. The curt note on the other side read:
Hello, editors. Loving our new job in Cuba-ish. Air is fresh. Water is clean. Habeas corpus is pliable. Just like SELEDA except we actually like the people here. They don’t question us when we blindfold them and lead them into windowless rooms. Question: remember when we routinely electrocuted our interns’ blitoch during editorial meetings? Did we use 80 volts or 120? Something about a new “humanitarian” approach or some such. We told you not to vote for that commie! Loveyoumeanit.
So that’s where they’ve been. Terrible people these… for the record, it was 120 volts. Eighty?! For heaven’s sake, we are not amateurs. This is not Qaliti.
Thankfully, not all was gloom and doom in dreamland. We had this beautiful vision of a great African renaissance. And may we say, Africa, about damn time. Random coup d’états and rigged elections? So… 9/10. Really? Licentious corruption? Impeccable incompetence? Insatiable greed? Sorry, Africa. SELEDA Upper Management accomplishes all that and more before their first cup of half-caf/half-blood cappuccino.
No, friends. What we dreamt was bigger than 10,000% inflation. We dreamt that the untamable, angry waters of the Horn had finally surrendered; a region dismissed as explosive and ungovernable had finally risen like… are those machine guns? Why, yes. Yes, they are. Oh, and it’s tankers and vessels surrendering to angry, untamable and ungovernable people with explosives. Way to go, Somalia. Thanks for drop kicking the continent back to the 9th century.
So this is when we usually try waking up, certain that this is not real life. Hoping that this is not real life. We claw at the empty thermos of Weizero Zimamwerq’s korentee shai. We make the umpteenth promise to feTari amlak to never touch that thing again in exchange for waking up from this…
Speaking of Weizero Zimamwerq… The woman has been verily uppity ever since she heard rumors we might, um, not really be a “DV miyaseTu” brokerage house. Which, for the record, we never said we were. We just added it to our stationary and took application fees, late fees and fees’ fees. So, for those irgo zmb mebt askebari types, it was a totally legit operation. We know this because we’re looking at our bailout/bonus checks and, wow, lots of zeros. So let’s not get all fidgety about how elites are taking advantage of poor, innocent, wedel-del yalu set weizerowech. And just so you know, nothing yetemeTaTene about her shrro. Just putting that out there.
And just when we were about to get lost in the vision of Mengistu Haile Mariam’s giant, kefjarra, Santa Claus hat adorned head … we woke up. AbEt, abEt. Mn alnih Qidus Mike?
So here we are, back from the Witless Protection Program, dear SELEDAwiyan. Really, we would like to elaborate but, yaw, ye intin neger new.
Welcome to the Intin Issue!
Before we fully delve into our m’wart, may we take a few moments to say a proper thank you to all our writers, past and present. Especially present. We badgered them with the dub’ida that SELEDA was coming back for one last hurrah, and most of them dutifully delivered their delicious ezin. If only we were the kinds of people who could write poetry that does not quickly devolve into dirty limericks, m’Ts, we would have penned a few soulful verses here. We are grateful you participated in sending us off with a bang.
Also a heartfelt thank you to all our past contributors who have endured our intellectual trki-mrkee-titude and endeavored to put pen to paper, Tat to keyboard and made SELEDA flourish as a protracted ye ibdoch menaheriya. These pages have been graced by talent that has been truly wasted on these pages. If SELEDA has any kind of legacy we hope it is that it ferreted out wordsmiths who crafted literary delicacies.
Can we start the musho now?
When we debuted in 1999 we honestly had no intention of becoming a monthly (okay, not so monthly) webzine where we could routinely deposit our torrential neurosis, psychosis and netrakanet. Alas, there were too many of you out there encouraging this kind of mezerTeT, and look what you have done.
And it worked for a while because youth and the price of gEsho were on our side. But sustaining a monthly literary webzine… and by the way, whoever came up with that idea is an inestimable cretin and wemenE incapable of … Oh. Some intern person tells us it was us who came up with that idea, which is why it was so brilliant.
Ten years later, however (um, minus a few years), it’s not going to fly. We are not sure yet how to reformat SELEDA. It might morph into what another intern person is telling us is something called a… blog? What? That sounds terrible and filthy. So we’ll probably look into it.
However way we restructure, if we restructure, we hope we can depend on yaslemedachihun’n generosity.
Can we end the musho now?
So what’s new at SELEDA?
Oh, you mock us.
Through intense Tsebel therapy, we have managed to defang our legendary control freakiness and, ineho, SELEDA now has a comment feature after each article. Yes, that’s us being yanked into the late 20th century. You will need to register to comment, and of course, caveat emptor. We trust any zitetamishness will be swiftly dealt with by the SELEDA mehabere seb.
We have also opened a SELEDA Gul’t, where you can park your $20.00 for a good cause. Does paying off our brzz tab qualify as a good cause? Yes, for us.
We hope you enjoy The Intin Issue. During a few key moments in bringing you this issue—between editorial shouting matches and hasty conference calls with the Tenquwai we have on retainer- we remembered why we loved doing it. It’s been an honor sharing this small corner of cyberspace with you, and we hope the quality of the articles with smooth over any feathers we might have ruffled by our unsanctioned forfE.
And finally, thank you, all of our readers, who have been the cement foundation for our dessasa gojo. You will probably never know what you have done for us. SELEDA has made the shaky ground beneath our feet a little firmer, the constant disquiet in our hearts a bit less paralyzing, the chaotic voices in our heads less turbulent, the unempirical yearning in our souls a little more tractable and the general discomfort of being Ethiopians outside of Ethiopia infinitely more tolerable. Through your kind words and patronage we have been able to remember the Ethiopia we can’t seem to shake off.
Thank you. Hopefully, our paths shall cross again.
The Humble Editors
editors at seleda dot com
_____________________
Update: Holy EsTifanos, you are a high maintenance bunch! Too much whining about how “complicated” we have made the Comment feature has made us reach for our cyber lmiCH. . eCH.. eCHCHCH! Yawilachu! We’ve simplified it, and now we wish we still had interns loitering outside our gates upon whom we could reroute our disproportionate fury. hod qurTeT.
{ 25 } Comments
What? You didn’t have the courtesy to tell us – your faithful die-hard fans? I am conveniently MaQuref but also very MeQuRarat that you are back! Let the good times roll!
I’m so happy you came back. Ililtas all round. Seriously.
yeQulibiw yibarkachuh! I might breakdown in Enkuwan Silete Semere right about now.
Utterly incredible to have you back. This is what I would like to know…who the editors are and their stories.
Mahal
I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU guys & no words to express how happy I am you are “backish” ???? what the hell???? I refuse to believe this is kemir your last last issue emBi!!
LOL listen to me, I’ve not even read the new issue yet… I’m going to meKoTeb it, savour it, read may be one article a day…. ohh I can’t wait!!
‘Til next time you guys (oh yeah and my friends think I’m such a realist LOL) min yaregal sew siwedachu aygebachHum yehonachu negeroch nachu…
I am sooo happy to see you guys back!! Please, tell me it is an early April fools joke on February that this is your last issue?!
say it ain’t so! 
I missed your writings..Like Abby, I am gong to mekoteb, save it and read it too . Good to see you back again!
So where do I sign up to be reimbursed for my ulcer related expense… of course caused by your ‘no heads-up’; ‘no dear Yohannes’; ‘no MinaMente’ dropping off the cyber space…
Just in case this is the ‘oops i did it again’ Seleda version, I will MeQoteb this issue and read may be one article a week. SELEDA welcome back!!
Howdy ye’seleda editor-och
I can not tell you how happy I am to see you guys upto your yemairebu ways once again…lol… I am personally experiencing sak besak, desta bedesta ‘na yemesaselut emotions right now… and letting all my friends know that there is indeed a new issue of Seleda….
If there is anyway we, your tamaGNe readers, can do to keep Seleda going, we are definitely ready to ye-material ‘na ye-ewket digafochachenen lemesTet…..
WeGud, Yenante neger! YehYe eko lemenem Ayamchim. We’re back but not kind back….ere benataChu…..endhema Yeswe heart mantelTel Newer newe aydel ende? Eshi, mechem I’m an Ethiopian and full of politeness so I’ll suck it all up and give you YeKeber Selamta.
Gin inemilew, yemin “humbly offer our last issue” new? Seleda beero ye upper management revolving berr yelachihoom inday??..indet new?..shigigr mengist inkwan atakwakimoom malet new?? Transitional- interim-consultant-advisor during the continuum from rehabilitation to development yemeelachoo yelem indday? and where is our safety net programme? Syaftee Nyetachinin adera asiboobet.
Sussssshhhhhh! sewetch. AdamTu. The Sza is speaking. (Gonbess, gonbess… m’Ts, m’Ts) ItEgE Szaitu, inkwan dehhna meTu.
Lemehonu… where was all this love when Editor #CHiraq was crouched in the fetal position sucking his toes (and Medaniyalem knows what else) crying like a toltwassa child (ign-ign-ign indE PagumE znab) because he spent another unsuccessful night brewing mestefaqr to take the edge off of getting Seleda out on time? Huh? Huh? qoi bcha…
But, to answer ItEgE Sza Sza’s question.. m’Ts .. the last mefenqle mengist at SELEDA ended up with a Sh’g'gr mengist that fast became a ye-my’shai’ger/ye-my-ASH-ager mengist. chgr new gEtinent kalwequbet. But… we are open to suggestions.
Not to say that we are not loving being welcomed. It’s so rare around here…
SLACKERS ALL AROUND….WELCOME COME GUYS
Please no more Jerbayen this time, or bik telek without notice, The love affair has reached levels to induce a heart attack….CHEERS>>>KEEP EM COMING.
When you suddenly disappeard with no explanation or contact address, I was extremely disappointed as were thousands of other people like me. All I said was “DROM they were too good to be true…”
YALEFEW ALEFFE, (you are completely absolved by your amazingly crafted “MUSHRA” editorial).
Please promise never to WESHMETT MEKURET again.
TEBAREKU!
Fantastic! You disappear with an air of mystery about you, all cloak and daggers making us think you’d been kidnapped by some bizarre cult or worse some Somali pirates making us think we’d lost you forever and just when we’d given up all hope you come back all sporadic and flasher style to an empty room and yell “TADA!” and somehow we were all here trolling your archives for fond memories waiting for your return. I think this says something about your value in our community but I can’t put my finger on it. Welcome back!
Weggen, Endhe YAle CHWATTA aslmedchune Telachune Hultegna endatetffu.ADraA.
How can I submit a short story for your consideration to publish?
Thanks,
Patricia Cardoso
pcm7@mac.com
My wife told me about seleda after you guys were gone and said to myslf howcome I missed out could have I missed all this ‘choma’ stuff?! I actually questioned “why didn’t they make it a subscription thing? This is sooo good!”
I hope you guys will do the right thing and keep Seleda alive.
happy to see you again
Can i beg you somehing? i wonder if you send me the issue of ” the yelugnta and mister” at my e-mail adress
taye_mohammed@yahoo.com
What ever happened to my seleda T-Shirt,I ordered from SELEDA Gu’lt ,,,I’m asking my self ,did I checked the shipping method, that said Egregna?
Dear Seledawyan,
It is a great pleasure to read you again. In my humble opinion there is a hell of lot of good writing on Seleda. A lot of promising talent.
With best regards.
eskiss, eskiss, eskiss….encore, encore!
thank you this just made my day.
Wey Gud, TegermalacheHu, Guregnoch nachehu, becha Bacheu Gurex belnachual. Now, what is the deal are you here for good so we keep the excitment and tell people that you are back or what? Sometime i don’t understand your Frech. Too complecated man, I have to read it few times before i get it til i have headache but wouldn’t give up, i know there is something good at the end. Well I hope you are here to stay. If there is anyway we could be helping please do not heasitate to ask. I know few hard core fans from far away.
SeW kalmote Yegenagnal… Eseyew
I’ve been battling adjustment anxiety ever since you went and now that you’re back, you owe money to my therapist and a pharmacy in Canada.
And I hope you Seleda editors really see this: knowing that you’re on high-demand, readers waited for you 6yrs and you make this your last issue, ADAMEN BEMULU lagignish. you’re bound to be spotted wandering about in Ethio soccer or some show. SEne 30. (I now have an escalated anxiety and leaving for the booze center). This “one last issue” intin better be a joke.
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